The Reboot Diaries
The Reboot Diaries is all about navigating life’s relaunches with honesty and humor. We share our own stories and lessons learned to remind you that you’re not alone, there’s nothing “wrong” with you, and that every transition can be reframed as part of the journey. Approachable, authentic, and a little funny, it’s support for anyone hitting reset.
The Reboot Diaries
Comparison Is a Thief… But Also Data?
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Comparison can steal our joy. But if we look closely, it might also reveal what we value, what we want, and where we’re ready to grow.
Hello everyone and welcome to this edition of the Reboot Diaries where we talk about life changes, good ones, not so good ones, and the perspective that comes with it. I'm Jesse. And I'm Cynthia. And today we're going to be talking about comparison. Is comparison helpful? Is comparison evil?
SPEAKER_02Comparison. Comparison. Comparison. Okay.
SPEAKER_03I would say comparison is natural and it's not inherently bad, but it depends exactly on what we're talking about, I guess. So Cynthia.
SPEAKER_02So what so what exactly are we talking about when we say comparison? Are we compared to talking about weighing options when we make decisions? Are we talking about comparing my life to somebody else's life? All of the above. Keeping up with the Joneses?
SPEAKER_03All of the above. So we we were talking before this, um, there was the phrase that I'm familiar with and have to remind myself of somewhat, not all the time, but every now and then, which is comparison is the thief of joy, which is generally attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, but uh who knows who actually said it first. Um comparison is the thief of joy. What were your thoughts when you heard that for the first time today?
SPEAKER_02Well, it's interesting. I mean, I think that a lot of it is just really context specific. I think that the way that you know things are possible in life is because you observe what other people have or what they've done. So in some ways, when you are, and then you know, you kind of compare yourself, like, well, wow, that's really interesting. That's what I aspire to. Let me assess where I am and what I need to do to get there. So, in some ways, I mean, I think that comparison, not necessarily within the context of that lesson, but in some ways, I just think in uh comparison across the board can be quite productive. I think that um where it probably becomes um counterproductive is if you're kind of just looking at something that somebody has and you know you want it now, there's you know, you're you're in it for the immediate gratification. Um, and I think that can I think that like we were just all created to be so unique that um, you know, I don't think I think that society puts a lot of pressure on us to want certain things. And then somebody else who has it is just like, uh so I think a lot of it is really just responding to uh social pressures that you know we really might want to check. What are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_03I mean, the for different thoughts for different parts of what you said. The first one, as far as like basically comparison, can be inspirational, like where you can when you see what someone's doing and you think it sounds cool or you just think it sounds interesting, maybe not inspirational. I don't know if I think of that as comparison. To me, comparison comes in when it like also makes you think something about yourself and and like your status. And if I look at someone and I think I should do that, I should have accomplished that, that's where it gets really toxic real quick. And I think that was my 20s. And I just love and appreciate being older in that I can celebrate that about other people and be happy for them and not have it be a reflection of me. So, like losing that comparison has been really, really helpful. Um, like it's really weird because there's three of us at the rec center that are up for a promotion. And we're all so sad that we're the three like finalists because we're the closest group of people or friends at that job, but we're also like, I'll just be really happy for you. Like because we're all so different and we all have different skill sets. So that's where it's like we compared because we were like humans and we're like, well, what are my chances of getting the job? But at the same time, we also knew like it doesn't mean they're not awesome. There's just different ways to be awesome. So I felt like that was a healthy comparison as far as like just trying to take stock, like what should I emphasize in the interview, but not having like, I should get it. It's like, no, it would be very logical for any of the three of us to get it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So it doesn't have to be toxic, but boy, am I 20s the number of times my therapist had to say, like, you don't know that when I'm like so-and-so's like living such a good life, they work here, they work there. And she's like, You they could be miserable, you have no idea.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. I mean, I think that's the thing when we think about summarizing people and kind of create these stories in our heads about what's happening behind closed doors, and we have absolutely no idea what's happening. I think that's when it can really become uh become problematic.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think, and this is unfortunate that this is how I learned that like what appears to be is rarely what it is, um, in terms of like status-y things. Um, it's when I looked really good on paper, like my peak career homeowner, all that looked really good on paper, but I was like so stressed out. My body was not doing well with working at a desk to 9 a.m. to midnight. Like it was I was satisfied with a lot of things, but it was not my best life.
SPEAKER_00Right, right.
SPEAKER_03But it looked great from the outside, it looked really impressive from the outside. Um, which wasn't like the goal so much, but it it was the reality of kind of the title and the industry and all that kind of stuff. So for me, having been that and been like, I was like, oh yeah, she was right 10 years ago. Someone's LinkedIn profile is not the whole story.
SPEAKER_02Yes, exactly. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03Someone's Facebook is not the whole story. My coworker in their 20s, I'm telling them like they're like, I don't get on social media because I just compare myself and see how good everyone's doing. I'm like, you know, that's not reality, first of all, right?
SPEAKER_02Like it is a story that people are putting out there that um probably you know has some pieces of truth to it, but it uh probably has a lot that's not included.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I definitely um do appreciate when I love the reels when they show like what we posted on Instagram and then the like reality, and it's like the very curated and edited photo, and then the like blooper reel, basically. I love that stuff.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah, I have not seen that.
SPEAKER_03That's because you're not a social media at all.
SPEAKER_02Okay, good point. I mean, like I said, it like ooh, I'm missing out. Yeah, yeah, okay. That that there's a reason I haven't. So that's uh that's interesting. I don't know. I just honestly, Jesse, I really feel one of the things that I am pretty proud about myself is that I do kind of merch to the beat of my own drummer, and I don't feel like I have to kind of compare myself or or keep up. I my thing is that everybody is different, everybody has their own interests. There are a lot of things about people and how they choose to spend their time and their money that I don't understand, but you know what? I'm not supposed to understand everything, everything and everybody, just like everybody's not supposed to understand me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, that is a wonderful perspective that I would love for a lot of people to have. It's true. I, you know, I feel like I and I truly want. I actually sent a reel to one of my coworkers because I went to a concert Saturday night, and um, the singer was this like, I'm like, I don't know what you're like in real life because you're on a stage performing right now, but I do know right now you're living your best life. All I ever want for people, I was like, I just want people to live their best life so long as that life isn't harming others, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so it was really fun to see that and like to your point, like kind of be inspired by that to be like, oh, that must feel so great. Like that would be fun for me to let loose like that. So, but it was it's hard not to come with like a little bit of sadness when you do that comparison part. Because I think you would see that and be like, oh, that's so fun. I want to go up there and dance. I see that and I'm just like, why am I not dancing? Why am I not dancing? Um, but yeah, my coworkers like, I love how you love eccentric women and you will share them with me. I'm like, yes, both of these things are true for sure. Um so yeah, I do think that's there's that thin line between like looking and seeing something cool and being inspired by it or interested in it and excited by it, and not getting weighed down with perfection as well.
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, that's a whole other that now that's where I really struggle in terms of the comparison when I'm making decisions and weighing options and you know, trying to get things complete. But I'm like, well, if I go in this direction, then maybe I can do X, Y, and Z, and things just can sometimes drag out. That's where I I will say that I struggle.
SPEAKER_03So it's the comparison of the hypotheticals.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, like I'll give you an example. I'm launching a course about uh issues related to patient experience that providers don't necessarily understand or might not see. Well, I'm like, okay, I thought that I was going to use one platform, but then I did more research, and they're like, ooh, you need to consider this platform. And then I did more research. I asked about a different platform, and they're like, Oh, yeah, you sure can use that. I was like, Well, why don't you tell me that in the first place? And then, you know, just kind of going around in circles. And so it's kind of like this fear of it's not fear of missing out, but maybe fear of overlooking that I have. Uh, and that can um, you know, that sometimes does not work well for me.
SPEAKER_03So when you're comparing different options, you find it helpful, but then there's this anxiety of like maybe you're missing an option.
SPEAKER_02That maybe I'm missing an option, or even maybe I'm missing something under one of the presented options.
SPEAKER_03Well, because you will always miss something under one of the presented options.
SPEAKER_02But that's not how my mind works. I'm I my mind is very black or white. There's there are there are no shades of gray. But you don't know what you don't know, Cynthia. Either it's right or wrong.
SPEAKER_03How do you feel about that phrase? You don't know what you don't know when you're new to something.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, no, I do I no, I agree with that. I 100% agree for with that. And that's why that's one of the things I try, that's one of the reasons I try to do as much research and ask questions, because that is absolutely true. You don't know what you don't know. And I think that I could probably be a little bit give myself a little bit more grace when I think about that, but um, that's not I'm not gonna come out of the gate talking about grace. I'm gonna come out of the gate talking about this is going to be right.
SPEAKER_03Can't judge that. I cannot judge that. I will say one thing, uh, you know, and you get other people's perspectives too, because when you don't know what you don't know, like that can be really helpful. Like I just sent um my former boss something to review because I and I told them, like, I don't know what I don't know as far as what their priorities are, you'll have insights, let me know. It was a good comparison where I'm just like, they they know this thing, I don't know this thing. They can add value, period. And so you don't want to be overconfident that you know all the things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_03That's you know, that's part of it too. Have you ever do you ever feel like but how going back to like the superficial like you're saying, how do you you know, draw the line or or know when it's envy versus aspiration when you are working towards something you see someone else has?
SPEAKER_02Um I honestly really don't get envious, honestly, of folks. Um, I really view people's successes as aspirational. I mean, um, you know, and I think that we've talked about this before, but you know, I'm very fortunate in terms like I've got a lot of very, very successful people in my life. And it's nice to just be able to kind of like hang around folks and know what's possible. And so I would say that, you know, those people serve as a uh source of inspiration and kind of like what things can be. Um so a lot of it is really, you know, thinking about what is within my control, what is not within my control, and you know, moving forward based on that.
SPEAKER_03Do you feel like that limits potential in terms of if you don't see something, you won't think of it or you will doubt that it's possible, like if you don't see someone else do it?
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, you I think that you have to know that things are possible. And I would say that for me, I get a great sense of energy and motivation from the folks in my circle. Now keep in mind the folks in my circle are not boastful, they're not wasteful, um, they're just really amazing people. And so I don't think that that would necessarily be the case if we're talking about people who, you know, are always bragging and talking and you know, everything is about them. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03Fair enough. Yeah, I think for me, I mean, I never saw someone quote unquote like me doing much, and so it gets a little slippery slope for me as far as like I can compare myself to people doing things that I think are interesting, but I can't get too deep or too in my head about it. But I do think you touched just upon something like the people that you look to are very values aligned with yourself, and so that's a very different dynamic of her comparison.
SPEAKER_02Right. And I I will say the people that I choose to spend time with on my personal time when I don't have to. I'm not saying that everybody in my life is values aligned because everybody is, but I don't I don't spend optional time with them. What about you?
SPEAKER_03I mean, we talked about this in like changing relationships. Like I'm at the phase of like, if you're not lifting me up, why what what's going on here? Like, what are we doing? If I'm not lifting you up, what's going on here? What are we doing? Um, and it doesn't mean every interaction has to be that, but like, you know, I still see I see people are still in friendships where it's like if your friend makes you feel bad, you're either they're either doing something not cool or your brain is doing something unhelpful.
SPEAKER_02Well, also if if you're feeling bad around that person. Right.
SPEAKER_03Right. But sometimes, I mean, sometimes someone will say something and it triggers this whole thought response in you. And what they said was actually not a big deal, like, but you are so insecure about that thing, or you're so stressed about that thing, um, that it's like a whole thing. Um lots of things in that sentence.
SPEAKER_02That's the thing. That's the thing.
SPEAKER_03But the thing, um, I do feel like I mean, what my most recent example of comparison is like me and my three coworkers. And but the funny thing is, is like one of them, he and I were like literally talking through all of our strain. Like we were literally like going back and forth, like, well, I'll think you'll get it because of this. I think you'll get it because of this. And I'll be like, I think they're advantage. Like we just like kept going through, and it was actually kind of nice to be so emotionally neutral and just trying to like frame our applications, basically. Um and feel truly like we were supporting each other. And if we were getting frustrated with ourselves, that was on us more than anything. But um another thing though, I did I did was proud of myself for not falling into my 20-year-old self for comparison because I recently went to, as you know, a kind of a bummer event. It was very emotional for me. I went to a memorial recently, and you know, you want to look if you want someone to distract someone, everyone with their crying at your funeral, invite this girl over here because I have to laugh at how like just such a mess I am, especially for this one. And then, but there were people from high school there. I'm in touch with a few people from high school who were like my dearest friends, and no one else. No one else. Huge high school, like hundreds of people might graduating class literally didn't meet most of my my year, graduation year uh in my tenure. And I met some of them. And you know, when you hang out with people for three hours, you it's hard to think of things to talk about. So some of them were being like, oh, remember blah, blah, blah. They're at the New York Times now. And I was like, I don't, I don't want to hear this right now. One, I don't remember so-and-so, too. I don't, that's where I was like falling into the comparison. I think it's because they're high school connections, and that's who I did it with because I went to such a toxic high school.
SPEAKER_02And that's what people do in high school.
SPEAKER_03But it's also what I did in undergrad and after undergrad because I felt like I was, I we talked about this last episode. I did the responsible thing. There were supposed to be certain outcomes. I I must be a failure because those outcomes aren't happening. So that's why I'd see so and so was working at such an like some big company, like a Facebook, whatever, and be like, what did I do wrong? I must have said something wrong. So I didn't do that as much as a like, I don't really need to celebrate other people's success on this particular day. But also, like for someone I didn't know was like they were very nice. I'm great, like, I'm happy for them. And also, I don't want to have a high school reunion right now. So adding high school reunion on top of that event was just like it was too much because that comparison is I I I backtracked a little bit on that progress. Um but you know, what can you do?
SPEAKER_02Nothing. I think that with me, one of the things that where I were, I shouldn't say I struggle, but I'm very conscientious to shut down in my mind is when somebody maybe does something or says something, and an instinct might come to mind. Well, I would never do X, Y, and Z. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I do because they're not me. And so I would say that's the one thing that I'm always conscientious of really trying to control. A little bit of judging? Yes, 100.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, interesting. Yeah, you must do a good job catching it because I never hear you say much like that.
SPEAKER_02Good, good, good. I'm I'm really glad to hear that. That to me is very uh it's very important. And you know, especially coming from a family of judgers.
SPEAKER_03I am very transparent with people on some of my big judgy categories. They are very specifically art and ballet and musicals, like the performing arts in general. I'm like, look, I'm not like it's not worth me investing and fixing this because we all have our favorites. I'm not gonna sit and like talk down about something, but I'm gonna be like, they were really out of sync. They didn't practice enough. Sorry. No, I I do feel, and I don't know when this changed, and I don't know when it started. But when I hear people, and it's not that I never say anything, when I hear people like getting kind of worked up over someone's choices that affect them zero percent, like what someone wore. There's a difference between being like, ooh, that clashes, and like, oh, what was she thinking? Like she looks so blah, blah, blah, and that usually women that they're talking about. Like that to me is like her spandex does not affect me at all.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. Well, well, I mean, that's kind of like the society where we're living now.
SPEAKER_03It is, and I can't help but be like, is it because like, you know, I think when I was younger, I wonder if it was, you know, my peers, it was more like maybe there was some envy. Um, but now I don't sense that as all. And I just want to be like, it's because y'all are subscribed to this idea of how we're supposed to be and supposed to dress, and you're comparing that to this person, and that doesn't do any of us any favors. So that's where I get kind of like it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut because then I'm like, well, then I'm just judging the person judging, and is that any better? Like, so I kind of go into a little bit of a spiral there. But that for me has been something, and I think it just comes down to a lot more conscious thought of um where I want my energy to go. It's not over how anyone dresses, though I will like compliment people when I see them wearing. Something super cute, right? Um and to your point, I'll be like, oh, maybe I should wear overalls again. Those those were fun, things like that. So it's definitely this idea of should or should not, I think, is where comparison becomes inherently bad as opposed to a data point like you were talking about, comparing option A, B, being motivated or inspired by other people's, you know, ideas and choices. No, like for me, when you insert the word should, everything goes off the rails in life. What do you think?
SPEAKER_02No, I agree. Uh when you're essentially trying to you're and this is what I think you're saying put your values, your interests, and expect other people to adapt them. Maybe wanting the essentially to me, it sounds like wanting everybody to be like you when you're talking about the word should.
SPEAKER_03I would say more the opposite. I should be like everyone else. That's where should I think comes up a lot more when I hear my friends use it, and where when I used to use it, it comes up a lot more like that.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03Um, I mean, what I was talking about was more like they should wear this or not wear this, like for sure. But in general, in general, I think it's the I should have this, I should have made that choice, I should not have such and such. Um, and trying to reframe that as I didn't do myself any favors by such and such, or you know, that to me it can be helpful when I should not have, because I used to really beat myself up for I should not have.
SPEAKER_02Well, we talked about a little bit before uh before about comparison, which bordered on a conversation, but I don't think we really kind of got there of like real competition. So I'm not talking about actual competition. You kind of started talking about it with assessing qualities in terms of a job. Um, you know, I, you know, one of the things that I think about, you know, when I used to write proposals, I was I would go through uh the points, uh, this the rubric in terms of scoring to really identify where I knew my team was particularly strong and where we might be vulnerable to try to, you know, figure out a strategy. But essentially at the end of the day, I kind of had a sense of okay, who is applying for this? What are their strengths and weaknesses? Uh and so I would say in those kinds of instances, I am very much comparing myself or my team or my group to uh to others. And I I think it's a a smart strategic move.
SPEAKER_03It's comparison as part of strategy, not comparison for comparison's sake.
SPEAKER_02Tell me more about that.
SPEAKER_03I think comparison for comparison's sake is more the like What does that mean for comparison's sake? Um that really nothing comes out of it.
SPEAKER_02Like there's no There's always something that the ego is stroked, or yeah, but that's like not valuable to me.
SPEAKER_03So like comparison for comparison.
SPEAKER_02It's not valuable to me either, but that's that's that's that's therapy to some people.
SPEAKER_03But like, okay, so what would be the value in comparison what colleges I got into versus person next to me in my high school?
SPEAKER_02Because maybe that's what you need to make yourself feel better about yourself. I'm not saying that's a good thing, but I, you know, that's you know, that is the grad, that's the payoff for some people. You just don't value that payoff.
SPEAKER_03I think I did at the time. I grew up in a family where education was important, which I talked about in the last episode, but I also went to a high school where um status was gained through different avenues. The external measurements were the priority growing up. External measurements were the priority growing up, and that you know, my high school just did a like chef's kiss job of driving that home. Um, nothing about like what do you enjoy doing, right? So no, I mean, I don't think I'm not sure many high schools have that. Um so for me, it's like, yeah, I guess so, like feeling like you're on top, you're on top. You made it, you did it. But they always talk about how people they I mean, research has shown, I guess, that people whose goal is just to climb, climb, climb, once they're at the top, they have no other goals and they get like really depressed and have to find something new to climb, climb, climb. They can't just sit still.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's the bored billionaire.
SPEAKER_03Lord help us all from the bored billionaire. Um so yeah, I I mean that's a whole other topic as far as like status goes, but I it is rooted in comparison. So for me, like I was really embarrassed, is embarrassed in high school by my SAT scores. But then I just like didn't tell anyone. I like avoided comparison. I was like, people don't actually need to know this number.
SPEAKER_02Right, exactly. Just college application. So is that a thing where people share their well, I guess uh oh, the competition was real in my class. I remember AP English in particular, this like one group of people, they were all sharing their SAT scores, and I'm just like Well, I mean, when you say sharing their scores, you mean with the paper or just telling a score?
SPEAKER_03Just telling each other, like, oh, I got a 1500, oh, I got a 1430.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_03This was when it was out of 1600, by the way, for listeners. It's out of a lot more now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, 2500.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and so I'm just like, I'm just gonna like be over here. And then I felt relieved that I got into cow because it kind of counteracted some of the like, oh, I'm not as smart. I was like, well, there's other things going on in life that get you prog making progress happen. So yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02So do you ever feel imposter syndrome?
SPEAKER_03I do. I I as the more and more as I get older, um, it looks a little different now. I didn't in high school, I did in my 20s, and when I was trying, and I did going into my MBA program, and then luckily pivoted my freshman year when I did really well my first semester, my freshman year, my first year of my MBA program, I did really well that first semester. And then I was like, Oh, I might be smart. Okay, got it. And my friends were like, Yeah, you're smart. And I was like, But I never I had like my sibling was so book smart that it was never the goal. It was kind of like the other side of what you're saying as other people being smart can like motivate you and things like that.
SPEAKER_02I was just like, oh, I'm never so wait, what does that mean? Like, is it did you all have kind of designated expectations from your parents in terms of okay, this is a smart one, this is a funny one, this is a caring one.
SPEAKER_03I don't think they appreciate how funny I am, but I don't think I don't I I mean look, this goes to disability, right? Like I the only expectation was that I went to college. I don't think I was really my parents really imposed much on me or my grandparents or anyone like that as far as what the specifics should look like. You just go to the best college you can. Um career-wise, like we've talked about this, so I won't go into it too much about like how I should you should be a teacher, should, should be a teacher. Um, you should make this marriage, like all those kinds of things. And that's why the last couple of years have been so hard. Because I'm like, lies, lies.
SPEAKER_02They gave you the best information they knew.
SPEAKER_03Exactly. And that does not make me feel better because I bought it, and I should have been a little bit more like, well, let's gain some perspective, but also see, I should have. But at the same time, I didn't care enough and I didn't have that imposter syndrome um so much because I knew there were people book smarter than me at Cal, and that's fine. Like it was like I'm okay with that. I actually would prefer to be in the lower half of like intelligence versus the top half because then I can learn and I like learning um and I'm motivated because I never want to drag a team down. Like, so that works that works kind of nice for me, for better or worse. But um, but I was gonna say for comparison, this idea of should bad is bad. Um, but also deserve. Oh that's my big, big one. I hate the word deserve.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that and I think that, well, first of all, tell me why do you hate the word deserve?
SPEAKER_03Because one of my pet peeves is entitlement. And so I get a little bit like says who. And I think when you use deserve in what theoretically is a healthy way, it's about knowing your worth. And with and saying, like, I know my worth doesn't have the same risk as I deserve such and such, because then the reality in my mind, and I said this to a friend not that long ago, is like, oh yeah, you deserve a lot of things. But look around, like, how many people get what they deserve, both in positive and not positive ways. There's no great force measuring this in my mind, and for some people there is, but like, do I deserve such and such? Like, no. If it's a good thing, am I grateful for it? Like, yeah, and I'm not gonna analyze whether or not I deserved it. Um so that gets that gets trickier. But imposter syndrome, um, I am a I am a uh contradiction. I think I've said this in that I struggle with like self-esteem, but I am so confident in my ideas and opinions. So you could be like if you hear me be like, oh yeah, I get really insecure, you'll be like, oh, she's faking it. No, everything I assert, I believe in 100%. But there's something about that that is so distinct in my brain from like my full self as a as a whole being that I continue to work on. But yeah, the this site, this comparison resulting in uh deserving and not deserving is a false measurement that I think I see torture people more than help them.
SPEAKER_02You know, when we first started talking about this, and I write about a little bit about this in the book, it made me think about, you know, when I first had spinal cord surgery, and honestly, I did think, why me?
unknownOf course.
SPEAKER_02And um uh there was an interview with Daryl Strawberry when he was diagnosed with cancer.
SPEAKER_03Who's Daryl Strawberry for our younger listeners?
SPEAKER_02Oh, he is a uh very famous baseball player.
SPEAKER_03Yes, he is.
SPEAKER_02And so, you know, the interview, you know, he was talking about this cancer diagnosis, and somebody asked him, you know, do you ever think why me? And his response was, why not me? Just in terms of he's a human being just like everybody else. You know, it's this is not desirable, but it's something that he'd have to deal with. And so for me, that kind of I thought it was, yeah, yeah, why not me? I can handle this. So it's not like you know, there are definitely times in my life that have kind of contributed to the security that I feel now. And you know, that it, you know, when I was in my late 20s, uh was definitely one of them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, of course. I mean, and I think that's the thing that like we also don't stop and recognize is when we do have those why me moments, like processing them instead of like people immediately being like, oh, it's okay, and like all that. It's like, no, like sometimes there is a why me component, and this is why I swung probably a little too far as a child, some of my medical stuff, as like, oh, because life's not fair. Which, as I explained to my friend who is a child psychologist, she's like, Yeah, in fourth grade, you actually do want kids still thinking life can be fair. Okay, because I was babysitting, I was like, they think life is fair, and I hate it. And she's like, they actually should think life is fair in a family problem. Is that a normal development pattern? Got it.
SPEAKER_00Got it.
SPEAKER_03And that is how you end up an existentialist in high school, which is like this is all arbitrary. But I do think like this will like one of the things I do like about like that mindset though is like you can you can define the rules when you realize everything is arbitrary and comparison is on someone else's terms. I'm comparing myself and thinking someone's doing better because of what my high school and society told me success looks like. Period. Period. Um people like a lot of women decide what clothing looks good based on the male gaze, period. And that's why you see a lot of women my age um who are like leaving that behind and bringing back the whimsy, and I love that for us. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. So that's where when you're comparing, there's good comparison, like you were talking about, learning from using it as a strategy, data, things like that. And then there's just measuring yourself against the most arbitrary things.
SPEAKER_02But it's just so interesting because I don't know, at least within my circle, this is not something that was necessarily kind of taught even as a life lesson. But I think that that's the case in general, just like language isn't really taught in terms of you know the language that your family speaks, you just speak it, right? I think that that's kind of the same thing in terms of social skills. Um, I think the only time that I've really had any training or lessons about comparisons was once my father, I said something wasn't fair. And my father's response was like, don't say that because life isn't fair.
SPEAKER_03Are you sure? I'm not related to your father.
SPEAKER_02Well, we do have the same forehead.
SPEAKER_03Yep. It's like it's the lesson that I don't think a lot of people encounter. And I think it's usually like when someone's seen life and seen some things, like they've crossed that bridge of realization. That's it, that's who's gotta tell you. But for me, it was my therapist. And I'm I'm more that person of just like we all just are doing our best we can in any moment in any context, and remembering that's hard. Remembering that about myself is harder. But I've gotten a lot better at it.
SPEAKER_02I also think that you know everybody's on their own track, and sometimes we're just meant to understand things and come to realize things later in life. I mean, especially when I think about some of the there, every single difficult time I have been through, I mean, every single one, I can trace back to and link it to how it prepared me for something in life that I needed that lesson to either get through or to be successful at, or whatever.
SPEAKER_03And, you know, there's a book like Man's Search for Meaning, which I uh I think it was Frankel wrote it, and he should reread it. We read in high school, and everyone like loved, and I was still in my little existentialist bubble of just like meaning is just a thing we make up and subscribe to things. And so that doesn't feel helpful because I'd rather not go through the thing. And I get that's a dark statement. That's I mean, that's dark to be like, no, no, like it the lessons don't make it worth it because the pain was real, right? For me physically.
SPEAKER_01It's so hard.
SPEAKER_03It's so hard. But I also recognize I can look back um, and I want to talk more about comparing to our past self specifically, because that's the thing that I like, I actually think that is helpful, but also I need to be careful with. Um but when I look back, I'm like, if I if my life hadn't taken a sharp turn in fourth grade, I probably would have been a mess. I probably I was getting in trouble all the time. I was like, like, look, I swung too far. I swung way too far to the other end of that spectrum. But I was like such a brat, Cynthia. Like such a brat. Oh my God. I'd frame kids. I told you this. Like I cried my way out of getting detention. I like I think I I think I've even said the podcast, my preschool, preschool teacher, when I was like three or four years old, said that I would walk over dead bodies to get what I want. Can you imagine being a parent and hearing the teacher say that about your child?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so first of all, was it true? Yes. Okay, and second of all, listen to your teacher's parents because they see a whole different side of your kid that you don't want to face. And just because your kid is going through something now doesn't mean you can't help them and they won't change. But this is look, what did you say? Still, this is data.
SPEAKER_03That's a very notable. I remember when I heard that in high school. My mom told me that in high school. I'm like, yeah. That's I when I'm determined, I'm determined. Um, like right now, I've got a goal I don't want to talk about here because one, I don't want to like jinx it. And two, it's a whole other topic. But I'm literally like, what else can I do? Because I want it so badly. I want to, I'm like, I'm gonna get that. It's like I would climb over dead bodies to get what I want in this particular case. And it's interesting to feel that for the first time in a long time.
SPEAKER_02Just as long as it's not my dead body.
SPEAKER_03I will not require producing said bodies. I just am like, I want to make sure I do everything I can because I want it that badly. Um, but I used to because I used to feel that way about a lot of like those external markers, wasn't always great, like grades and things like that. Like I wanted an A so badly. Um yeah, that's a whole other thing. But okay, talk about comparing your current self to your younger self. Do you think that's helpful?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I think okay. So I don't know because I think I wish I had only knew this when or realized this. So, like, I don't know that it is helpful. In fact, as I'm even saying this, I'm sure that it is not helpful. But I am definitely guilty of, you know, just thinking about, and I I think about it even within a way where I think about like even years lost. Um, and at the end of the day, everything that I have been through in my life has prepared me for this very moment. I just wish that there were times in my life where I had experienced more joy and more satisfaction. Um, so because you know, my parents were a lot like your parents in terms of uh, you know, going to school and this, that, the other, I've in my life have, you know, pretty much consistently been in school or have been gainfully employed or gaining experiences that have set me up for the future. However, I have not always been happy. I feel that and that's one thing that I regret in terms of really not taking um I don't know if it's the time, but not feeling empowered enough to create a life where I was happy. I mean, I think that sometimes you definitely have to do things you don't want to do. I mean, every April I've gotta pay taxes. I don't want to do that, but that doesn't mean that you can't you and logistics and paperwork.
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh. Oh my god. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. I love it so much. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it.
SPEAKER_03Um, I'm gonna read a thing from a BuzzFeed article.
SPEAKER_01Oh boy.
SPEAKER_03The wise BuzzFeed that I did screenshot because I liked it. And this was like things my therapist has said that were like game chainer and changer or something like that. And it said, sometimes for us to feel the way we want to feel, we have to do things we don't want to do.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think that's hard to remember.
SPEAKER_02I I think that. That's true. I just I wish, you know, part of it is being raised to be compliant. And I think that because of that part of my upbringing, and don't get me wrong, I I was raised by amazing parents. They were both civil servants. So they, you know, did what they knew what to do and raised me the way that they knew how. But I think that the ability to um, you know, be compliant, I had a very high tolerance for dealing with things that I didn't like. And I wish that I did not have that high of a tolerance.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I both have that tolerance and see the opposite of it simultaneously, which is like I won't only proactively go after what I'm interested in, but I will tolerate a lot of crummy things along the path. Um because I was also like very much like fit into the system, disappear into the system is a good thing, follow the rules and all that stuff. Plus, I'm like definitely chemically that like a rule follower. Like my brain is programmed that way for sure. But then when I think a rule is stupid, yeah, as I like that was my thing when I was young and became my thing again as an adult, must lost it for like a decade in the middle there. But when you when you look back at your past self, I think the thing that's really important too is to have compassion to the earlier point of like you did the best you could at the time with the info you had at the time with all the things. Because when I looked at the first couple years, the big fire under me was lit when I said, What a waste of life. What a waste of the opportunity to like live life, because I was so fixated on one particular aspect of life. I lost all my because I was so fixated on a particular aspect of life, I just didn't have the energy to invest in all these other parts of life. And that that makes me sad, but I also have a lot of compassion for myself as far as like, well, yeah, one does stress about having money to buy food. And that's why there's the pyramid of needs where like the foundation is the hierarchy of needs, yeah, hierarchy of needs, like shelter, food, water, like until you have those, you can't move on.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So it's real.
SPEAKER_03I do think about my high school self a lot more now, and that's why I've talked about it so much on the podcast episodes, because I live like next door to where I went to high school, um, which is just absolutely a nightmare for me. But um I do sometimes look at my high school self and have compassion of just like, well, of course I did those things. And I think that's that comparison of making sure when you're looking back and you're getting nostalgic and things like that, it's like, well, everything was different, not just you. It was a different world. So if I were to redo high school today, even not knowing what I know now, it would be a very different experience. I made different choices.
SPEAKER_02What would that be like in terms of your high school experience if it was uh your present day self going to high school?
SPEAKER_03Um, I mean, I think I'd make a lot of the same choices. I loved my best friend, like I was, you know, felt some sense of community in the band. Um, you know, I was, you know, too hard on myself. I would have been a lot, I'd like to be a lot less hard on myself, but I think society is at a such where I'm not sure I'd be enabled to do that. I do think young people have more of a voice now. So I like to think that would positively impact me. Um, like in the 90s, you couldn't be out as like LGBTQ. Like, there's like a lot of like things that are societally changed, societally changed. Um I think in like how disability is treated in the classroom is definitely different. So there's a lot of things there that could have created a different experience. But if I knew what I know now, I would have been a lot kinder to myself. I still would have probably had the same goals, but in college, oh, I would have done everything different in college. Everything. I would have had a lot more fun.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Fun like you wouldn't have been studying all the time, or I would have been a lot more social.
SPEAKER_03I would have gotten out of the door and bubble, I would have taken more chances, tried to meet people at like public locales. I was like, I don't remember where you went because you couldn't go to a bar when you're a freshman, like just like meetups and stuff. I would have done a lot more. Yeah. I would, and I was just so insecure that I didn't do any of that. That's why I don't, yeah, I don't have a lot of friends from college.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's interesting because I really never thought about the need to be socially curious to really get yourself out there and do things.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I mean, even being at a huge high school, I was in a little sub-bubble because I just was in the AP classes and it was like all the same people the whole time.
SPEAKER_02And then you did band, right?
SPEAKER_03In band. And so I had my little like band bubble and my little AP class bubble. And there wasn't tons of overlap, but like that was that was enough.
SPEAKER_02So did you did you wear those items as a badge of honor?
SPEAKER_03AP, yeah. AP classes. I'm still proud of my stats grade. I brought it up on this podcast. Like, I'm still proud of that. But like I'm still proud that I was like BAM president and like I was so invested, and I felt like I like did a lot of like work that like paid off and was proud of our performances and things like that. I still remember being proud of that. I'm not sure I'm proud of it as part of who I am today. I'm certainly not, I mean, I think I'm just neutral. You know, it's like, hey, I'm really glad I had something I could work hard at and like be part of a good team at and you know be competitive in and all that. Like that was, I think, nice for me, um, probably self-esteem-wise. But um badge of honor. I mean, now I look at kids in high school and how there's so many more AP classes, and like there's no way I've like, I have no idea what college I would even get into now. Like, there's no way it would be the same ones. Like, this is y'all are wild out there now.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I do think it's cool that students have the flexibility to pursue things that are of interest. Like that to me, it just wasn't I mean, like that just wasn't part of my experience. Um, I do remember taking shop. I went to an all-girls high school for sophomore through senior year, but when I was in freshman year, I went to uh a public school. And when I was in the public school, I remember taking um no, no, it wasn't shop, it was the woodworking stuff. That was when I was in middle school, and when I got to high school, I wanted to take auto shop, but my father wouldn't let me.
SPEAKER_03We had none of those options.
SPEAKER_02Really?
SPEAKER_03Nope. We had homeek.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03The end.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we had home ec at the uh at the all-girls school. I I don't know. I don't think my parents wanted me to take home egg. Uh I I didn't take it. I mean, I was interested because you know, just like in occupational therapy, you know, big brownies and stuff. Uh, so that would be a draw, but for some reason I never took home economics.
SPEAKER_03Maybe that's why I can't cook. Yeah, but I took sewing. So we might have had sewing for a little while.
SPEAKER_01You took sewing.
SPEAKER_03What do we make? A pillow that I literally am using right now. It's like this pillowcase. We had a pillowcase. And so I I found it when I was moving and I like brought it out because on this little square pillow, I used it for that because the pillowcase I've been using for a few years gotten like dingy. I'm like, great. It's like the pattern is a teddy bear cuddling a dragon. I was like, this holds up at my interest level. This is fantastic. Dragon. It's very cute. Little ruffle around it. Still very on brand for me. Yeah. But so okay, so past comparison, like you kind of live and learn. I would have had a lot more fun. Um, I am the Debbie Downer for all the 20, like like 19, 20 year olds at work who are in college. I'm like, you can't count on anything, just hedge your bets and wish for the best. Like, but right now the comparison to others at this stage of life is like it is. I've not always looked on my past self with kind eyes, and now I think I pretty consistently do. So I'm not worried about that comparison. It just comes back to like when you're charting your own course, there's no one to compare yourself to. So how do you get data on that, Cynthia?
SPEAKER_02When you're there, but you know what? I think that when you're charting your own course, you uh have intrinsic, at least for me, I have intrinsic motivation. So it's a thing of where I can kind of go, and there's so many opportunities now to learn about different things online. But I think it's really a matter of you know, feeling as though you have the skill sets, but then also being intrinsically motivated to just get up and do it. And when you find something that you're really excited about and you, you know, understand the value that it can add, at least for me, it's very easy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Awesome. So comparison would serve you no purpose anyway. Well, I don't know. That might be too big of a statement, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, I I think that comparison has to have a purpose. And, you know, for me, that purpose would be identifying skill gaps and how to fill those gaps.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I think it comes down to like comparison when you have confidence is when it's learning and it can motivate you and you can see all these possibilities. Comparison when you're struggling with self-esteem is when you start to beat yourself up. Maybe that's the hypothesis.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I mean I kind of look at it as, and I don't know if I've used this on the podcast before, so forgive me if I have. I think about kind of uh, yeah, we talked about this before in terms of you know, when you're running a race, you don't look over your shoulder because it literally slows you down. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. How do you prevent any like uh or avoid, I should say, like slipping into um this idea of like, is no one around because this isn't the right course?
SPEAKER_02In terms of exploring blue waters when it comes to different futures, um, I think that no, see, I'm so arrogant. I think of it as because nobody else is meant to do it but me.
SPEAKER_01That's a that is wild to me.
SPEAKER_02Are you religious? I 100% believe in God. I really want to want to go to church. Um, so I don't know if that answers your question.
SPEAKER_03It does. See, this idea of meant to be is something that's not that like is harder when it's you're lit you live in a world where everything is random in your brain, which is me.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's where that's where that's the dark side of it. That's where a lot of existentialists are depressed. Oh. Because they say, like they say, like, what's the number one thing like people need to be happy in like a job or in life? It's a sense of purpose. And that's why you see a lot of people who retire volunteer because they need to have a sense of purpose.
SPEAKER_02And I love it because I work with people who are volunte who are retired and they are amazing advisors and supporters and helpers.
SPEAKER_03Totally. Like, and honestly, like my favorite, like using the word jobs very loosely, has actually been my volunteer positions. Um, maybe because that's where I felt the most useful, because it was one of an if I don't do it, no one's gonna do it situations. Um, and I'm helping them do this thing that I also think is very important. Um, so that's where purpose was the only driver.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03As opposed to like brent money.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Which is, I mean, even when I was applying for jobs, there were some jobs I applied to, and I was like, God, I hope I don't get the this sounds awful. But but money. That's that's where it's like, that was data, that was info, what am I gonna do with that feeling? Um, and recently I actually have started thinking about that and utilizing that feeling more. Um, now that my like context has changed so much.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03Which is wild. Yeah. I mean, can you so nowadays are there any comparisons you fall into? You talked about like judging people, maybe like what they should or shouldn't do, or um any comparisons involving yourself that you still fall into?
SPEAKER_02Comparisons and that are negative. I cannot think of other negative. I would say that the only negative thing that I can really I don't even think it's necessarily negative, but I am just really pro-independence. And I want other people to be pro-independence too. I want people to be independent thinkers, um, and I want people to uh do I want people to add value to a lot to the world. I want people to engage and operate in a way that you know makes them comfortable. I think that everybody just deserves the opportunity to just live at peace, to make their own decisions. Um, and it would be great if people added value. And I think that I and I honestly think that either that most people do or most people are positioned to add value. I think it's kind of like the comparison where you're, you know, we've got to do this and we've got to do that, and you know, we we've got to, oh my god, it drives me bankers. Well, we're doing it because somebody else is doing it. That to me is now if they're doing it because somebody else did it and they got X, Y, Z results that we need, well, maybe we need to take a look. But just for the sake of it, just is so fifth grade to me.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I think you touched upon something that is still important to be mindful of as far as like you like to add value. I like to add value. We need to make sure that that doesn't drive our sense of self-worth in a way that gets gets risky. Um, so when this area is James Vanderbeek will have passed probably like a month ago, and I saw the last video like thing that he made, and it was, you know, about how I had these identities and then that went away and I struggled, and I had these identities, and recently that's gone away because of his um cancer. And so I really struggled with a sense of purpose and identity. And he said, Um, you know, I he's like, my identity is simply that I am worthy of God's love, or I am, or enough that like he's like, and if you get hung up on the word God, just you are worthy, and that is your value as a human being. And I was like, dang, that's some good end-of-life perspective.
SPEAKER_02Like that is, yeah. That also, though, had me thinking about the US healthcare system and a lot of comparisons, but that's a different episode.
SPEAKER_03That's a different episode. Um, but yeah, this just like as humans, we are worthy. We get in this hierarchy of humanity for like the smart people are worth more, and if you're not smart, you're not worth a lot. And I think that that gets very like eugenous, like you owed eugenics, and I will not go into eugenics because people stress out when they hear that word. But it is like some people are being more worthy than others. It's like your humanity is your humanity, like that's why deserve is such a dangerous word to me. Um, like who doesn't deserve shelter?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Well, it depends on who you talk to.
SPEAKER_03That was like some people will list a lot of people. I'll be like, no, I think everyone deserves clean water sanitation and shelter. Um so it gets it gets a little it gets interesting as my mind goes down these paths.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But I appreciated that. Okay, so one more question for you.
SPEAKER_02One more question, and I'm gonna ask the same question of you too.
SPEAKER_03Instantly rethinks question. Um Do you feel like you are constantly comparing, or how often do you feel like you compare your current self in you know what you're executing with your what you feel your potential is?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I'm living my potential now. I thought you were gonna say to my old self, but oh no, I'm living my potential now. And I don't even know what else to say about that.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I just need you to bottle this up, put it in a little pill, and then I take it and I go, mm-mm. This is great.
unknownInteresting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And what about you?
SPEAKER_03That we no, we're not done with this yet. That must feel amazing, and that's why you get out of bed and you do work every morning.
SPEAKER_02It does. And I mean, I literally when I get up and start working, I just feel so grateful. I feel so full of joy. You have no idea. I feel like wow. And now don't get me wrong, I just am, you know, and hopefully I'll be able to continue this, but that I'm just very fortunate in terms of my circumstances as of today. I'll just say today. Um, so bottom line is, you know, understanding that you know, circumstances can change, right? But to, and I'm working on it so that I can continue, but I can say in the moment today, I just feel so happy to and grateful to be able to do what I'm doing and to I feel make the progress that I'm making. And then also, like I said before, to have the people around me that are just adding value to my life and helping me. So I I I feel like I am, I feel like I am living the life that I was put on this earth to live.
SPEAKER_03Have you ever been moving through things? I mean, in the last like 10 years, we'll just say 10 years, like can you think of times where you were comparing yourself to your potential and that became a motivator or balled you down or anything like that?
SPEAKER_02Honestly, I know because I feel as though I didn't even recognize my potential. I felt almost like I was content being boxed in. And I I didn't know that even this outlook or feeling approach toward life was possible. You know, I haven't been living, you know, the last X amount of years thinking, oh, I'm the bomb. This thing, mm-mm. Uh, but I think it now.
SPEAKER_03What changed it? What happened? Freedom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Freedom to say, okay, I'm in control of my life. I'm gonna do what I believe um you know makes sense. I'm gonna, you know, try to make good decisions, I'm gonna learn from my mistakes. But at the end of the day, I am now in the driver's seat. And that was terrif that idea would have been terrifying just two years ago. And I mean terrifying tears. Terrifying. I cannot tell you how liberating it is, though.
SPEAKER_03That's that's legitimately fascinating to me. Just freedom unlocked all of that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I am uh Jesse, I am a different person.
unknownThat's interesting.
SPEAKER_03I do think sometimes we underestimate where we do have freedom when we are in something that is kind of locked in, but like even in those situations, it's energy that becomes the big limitation, right? Like, sure, you had the freedom to write a book on the side, but who has energy?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's the that's mind space, the mental capacity. But man, when you got it, you got it.
SPEAKER_03That makes me happy. See, that's inspiring. I mean, funny, I'm like, I realize we have been comparing ourselves literally this entire podcast uh because we're comparing our perspectives. Uh, but I think that's interesting. Uh, hopefully, listeners do too. Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_02What was my question? The potential in terms of comparing where you are to what your potential.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think that's where a lot of my anxiety comes in. And I need to watch the word should the most is I see the potential and I like I should have done you know accomplished XYZ. I should have X number of clients. And it's like well, according to who, first of all. And also, um, you know, there's a difference between knowing you can do something and then acknowledging whether you're willing to do something because I do live life as everything is a trade-off to me. So it's like, okay, I could have three more clients in a month if I do XYZ, but if I do XYZ, I can't do ABC and what's more important to me right now. And what I've really, really made a lot of progress coming to terms with is just that like prioritization is not my fortry in my personal life. It is when I'm in a job, I can prioritize ruthlessly. Yes. In my personal life, I have too many interests, too many passions, too many pressures. So for me, it's like I've gotten shifted from comparing myself to my potential and more just thought about like, what are you willing to do?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Because you know I'm not afraid of logistics, but there's other things where I'm just like, if I'm not willing to do that, I just don't want it enough. Whereas the thing I talked about earlier, I'm like, give me some dead bodies to walk over. Like, let's do this. And I think that's where I learn a lot about myself and what's important to me and what I value.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So it's it feels healthier now.
SPEAKER_02I think that it's interesting because you were talking about accomplishments. And for me, I 110% want the accomplishments. You know, I've told you before, I'm very proud of my book. I want to be successful, I want to, you know, make money, I want to do all this good stuff. But for me, the focus is really instead of on the outputs and outcomes, and the outcomes, of course, are incredibly important. The inputs. And at the end of the day, you can't always control the outputs or the outcomes. Right. Control the inputs.
SPEAKER_03You can, I think, but in a way, I think that's what I'm talking about in a backward, uh going from finish to start instead of start to finish, because you focus on the inputs and hope the outcomes. I am focused on the outcomes because it's building a business. I mean, and you focus you you you also keep outcomes in mind as far as like what's gonna make money. So it's not to say you don't do that.
SPEAKER_02It's the thing of making a decision am I gonna watch a K drama or am I gonna stay focused and write? And so my thing is what is it that I need to do to be able to get to that that goal at the end?
SPEAKER_03Yes. I create my need to do, and then it's like, well, how much of that am I motivated enough to do? Because I don't want to waste time pretending I'm gonna do things that we all know I'm not gonna do.
SPEAKER_02I'm never gonna take a vacation, so we're square.
SPEAKER_03If I join an incubator type thing, will you take a vacation? I'll do all the planning for your vacation for free.
SPEAKER_02You know what? Let's let's table that.
SPEAKER_03Let's table that that's a hard pass from Cynthia. All right, we'll leave it there then. So comparison, not necessarily a thief of joy, but something to be super mindful about why you're doing, what you're learning, and how is it helping you versus not, I think. But also sometimes the thief of joy. We'll see. In your 20s, the thief of joy. All right, that ends another episode of the reboot diaries. Thank you for joining us. And if you have any comments, suggestions for new topics, we're still really interested in hearing some of those as we look ahead through uh spring and summer before we know it. Uh, email me through the travel site that I I run. It's hello at meridian by jessie.com, and that's Jesse with an IE at the end. Thank you, Cynthia. Thank you, Jesse.